It’s happened. Our youngest child left for college this week.
If you’ve seen the new movie, Inside Out 2, my internal command center has been dismantled and no one knows what the hell is going on. If you haven’t, this life change — which is regarded as one of the biggest and most challenging transitions in a person’s life — has activated so many different parts of me all expressing different emotions and beliefs and leaving me in a state of confusion.
In parts work, we recognize that our psyche is made up of different parts, each with its own viewpoints, feelings, and history, much like members of a family. For me, there’s always that part that insists, “I’m ready for this.” Yet, when the moment arrives, other parts, perhaps not so confident, trigger a flood of unexpected emotions. Why? Because while one part of me felt confident other parts of me did not.
As we navigate the transition of our children leaving home, many of us find ourselves facing empty nest syndrome—a mixture of relief, sadness, and uncertainty about the future. Let’s explore how parts work, a powerful aspect of IFS (Internal Family Systems) , can help us manage these emotions and embrace this new chapter in our lives.
Acknowledge Each Part
As you experience empty nest syndrome, you might find one part of you is sad, another part relieved, and yet another anxious about the future.
Action Step: Identify and listen to each part. You might even name them, like “Worried Wendy” or “Sad Sam,” to better acknowledge and understand their concerns. This recognition helps in validating your feelings without being overwhelmed by them.
Embrace Change with Curiosity
Change can be daunting but viewing it through the lens of curiosity can transform this experience. What do these changes mean for the parts of you that have been quiet or inactive while you were focused on parenting?
Action Step: Use journaling to dialogue with these parts. Ask them what they need and what they’ve been missing. This could reveal new hobbies or activities you’d like to explore.
Be Present with Each Part
Focusing on the present allows you to appreciate life as it is now, rather than getting stuck in past roles or future anxieties. Each part may have different ideas about how to spend your newfound time.
Action Step: Practice mindfulness exercises tailored to each part. For instance, if a part of you enjoys nature, walking in a park can be a grounding activity. If another part likes learning, perhaps a new class or book would be engaging.
Addressing Fears of the Future
Parts work teaches us that fear often stems from parts that are stuck in past painful experiences and project these fears into the future. Understanding and comforting these parts can reduce anxiety.
Action Step: Create a ‘future planning’ session with your parts. Explore what each part hopes for and fears about the future, and how you might meet these hopes and alleviate these fears.
Letting Go of Control
Letting go is also about trust—the trust you have in your upbringing and the independence you’ve fostered in your children. Some parts may struggle more with this than others.
Action Step: Develop a ‘letting go’ ritual. It could involve writing letters to your children from different parts of yourself, expressing hopes and releasing fears, then symbolically letting these go (e.g., by burning the letters or setting them adrift on water).
The empty nest phase offers a profound opportunity for self-discovery and growth. By turning inwards, we can be present with the emotional experiences of this transition, supporting each part in its own needs and growth, leading to a more fulfilled and balanced self.
Remember, life is a series of changes and growth opportunities. By embracing each part of ourselves in this journey, we find not just acceptance but joy in the evolution of our lives.
For more insights into managing life’s transitions schedule a zero obligation free consult with me.
