Who’s the real you? Is it the version of you that comes out after a few too many drinks, or the one who yells at the driver that just cut you off? Maybe it’s the part of you that once slipped an extra bag of ice into your car without paying. Some say that how we act when we’re under the influence, provoked, or when no one is watching reveals our true self.
But is that really who you are?
These behaviors are just parts or fragments of our personality, shaped by life experiences and external influences. They do not represent the true essence of who we really are. To discover the true self, we must look beyond these reactive parts of our personality and explore the deeper aspects of our consciousness.
Who Is Your True Self?
Michael A. Singer, author of “Living Untethered,” explains that your true self is not the collection of thoughts, emotions, or experiences that often dominate our awareness. Instead, it is the pure, conscious awareness that observes everything happening within and around you. Your true self is unchanging, always present, and untouched by the external circumstances of life. It is the essence of who you are, beyond the stories you tell yourself and the roles you play.
Singer emphasizes that the true self is inherently free and peaceful. However, most people remain disconnected from this self because they are entangled in the fluctuations of their thoughts and emotions. This entanglement creates a false sense of identity, leading to unnecessary suffering. To realize the true self, you must learn to step back from the mind’s incessant activity, allowing the deeper part of you to emerge.
The Competing Selves
In “Living Untethered,” Singer explores the different aspects of our inner world that often compete with our true self:
- The Mind and Ego: This is the aspect of ourselves that we usually identify with—the self that is constantly thinking, planning, and reacting. The mind creates stories and narratives about who we are based on our past experiences, fears, and desires. It’s driven by the need for control, security, and validation from the outside world. However, this self is not who we truly are; it’s just a part of our mental and emotional landscape.
- The Unconscious Self: This part of us holds our buried fears, traumas, and unresolved emotional wounds. The unconscious self influences the mind’s behavior and often drives the reactions we have to certain situations. For example, an unconscious fear of abandonment might lead to clingy or defensive behavior in relationships. While these reactions feel real, they are not reflective of our true self.
- The True Self: According to Singer, the true self is the conscious awareness that remains when you step back from the mind’s activity. It is the still, silent presence that observes your thoughts, emotions, and experiences without getting caught up in them. The true self is free from the ego’s demands and the unconscious self’s fears. It exists beyond the mind and body, in a state of pure being.
Before you can fully know your true self, you must recognize and disidentify from the false selves—the mind, ego, and unconscious self. As long as these parts dominate your inner world, filling your mind with incessant thoughts and negative beliefs, you’ll remain disconnected from your true essence.
Discovering Your True Self Through Parts Work
The journey to uncovering your true self begins with recognizing and understanding these different parts within you. Parts Work is a powerful approach that allows you to engage with these parts—your ego, unconscious self, and other aspects of your psyche—with compassion and curiosity.
By bringing these parts into awareness, you can start to heal the conflicts and wounds they carry. This process doesn’t aim to eliminate these parts but to integrate them, allowing your true self to emerge more fully.
Signs You’re Connecting with Your True Self
How do you know when you’ve started to uncover your true self? Michael Singer suggests that the true self is the only self that exists in a state of pure awareness, untouched by the mind’s narratives and the body’s reactions. Here are some signs that you’re on the right track:
- A sense of mental and physical lightness
- Feeling more centered and safe
- Knowing that your life has meaning
- A sense of bliss in everyday activities
- A reduction in negative emotions like fear, anger, guilt, or shame
- More frequent “aha” moments of insight
- An end to the fear of death
- Feelings of love, kindness, and empathy
- A desire to serve others rather than just yourself
Quick Coaching Session: Connecting to Who You Really Are
This practice is to help you reconnect with your true self and gain clarity on your core identity beyond external roles and influences.
1. Grounding Exercise: Center Yourself
Step 1: Find a quiet and comfortable space where you won’t be disturbed. Sit or stand in a relaxed posture.
Step 2: Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Inhale deeply through your nose, allowing your abdomen to expand, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this for 3-5 breaths.
Step 3: Focus on the sensation of your breath and allow yourself to feel grounded in the present moment. Notice the rhythm of your breathing and how it brings you into the here and now.
2. Reflective Journaling: Discover Your Core Values
Step 1: Open your journal or find a blank piece of paper. Take a few moments to think about what truly matters to you—your core values, passions, and interests.
Step 2: Answer the following questions:
- What activities make me feel most alive and fulfilled?
- What values are most important to me in my life?
- When have I felt most like myself, free from external pressures or expectations?
Step 3: Write down your answers in a few sentences. Let your thoughts flow freely without overthinking.
3. Mindful Reflection: Observe Your Inner Self
Step 1: Revisit your earlier breathing exercise. As you continue to breathe deeply, turn your attention inward.
Step 2: Visualize yourself as an observer of your thoughts and feelings. Imagine you are watching them as if they were clouds passing by.
Step 3: Ask yourself:
- What is the essence of who I am beyond these thoughts and emotions?
- What aspects of my true self am I currently neglecting or not fully embracing?
Step 4: Take note of any insights or feelings that arise during this reflection.
4. Set an Intention: Align with Your True Self
Step 1: Based on your reflections, set one or two intentions that align with your core values and true self.
Step 2: Write down your intentions and how you plan to integrate them into your daily life. For example:
- “I intend to dedicate more time to my passion for painting, which brings me joy and fulfillment.”
- “I will practice speaking up for my values in conversations with others.”
Step 3: Commit to taking one small step towards these intentions today.
5. Reflection and Follow-Up
Step 1: At the end of the day, reflect on how connecting with your true self has influenced your actions and decisions.
Step 2: Consider scheduling regular check-ins with yourself to reassess and realign with your core values and intentions.
By regularly engaging in these practices, you’ll strengthen your connection to your true self, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life. 🌟
The Journey to Your True Self
No task is more valuable than finding and connecting with your true self. It’s a journey that leads to the realization of your full potential and purpose. By practicing Parts Work and other reflective techniques, you can peel back the layers of false selves and uncover the calm, centered presence that is your true essence.
As you continue on this path, remember that your true self is always there, patiently waiting to be discovered. Embrace the journey, and you’ll find that the peace, love, and wisdom you’ve been seeking have been within you all along.
Take Action Today: If you try these exercises, email me, info@jackiejreid.com, and let me know how it went. I’d love to hear from you.
If you’re ready to explore more, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to create a life that’s fulfilling, balanced, and uniquely yours.
Contact Me: Get in touch to schedule a free zero-obligation consultation and start your transformation journey today.
Resources
Recommended Books for Further Exploration
To deepen your understanding of Parts Work and the journey toward discovering your true self, I recommend the following books:
- “Living Untethered” by Michael A. Singer: This book offers profound insights into the nature of the self and the path to inner freedom, making it an essential read for anyone on a journey of self-discovery.
- “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment” by Eckhart Tolle: This book cracked open my soul and started my spiritual journey. A timeless guide to living in the present moment, Tolle’s teachings are a powerful companion for those seeking to connect with their true self.
