For a long time, pouring a glass of wine felt like the most reliable way to unwind. The pop of the cork, the swirl of red, the first sip—it all became part of the ritual that signaled the end of my day and the start of my escape. But there was another moment, too—a quieter one—when I realized that the very thing I reached for to ease my mind was the same thing keeping me disconnected from myself.
As I started exploring spiritual teachings and diving into self-awareness, I noticed that many of the reasons I reached for a glass of wine started to lose their hold. Through practices like mindfulness and, more specifically, parts work or Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, I began to uncover the parts of me that led me to seek comfort in alcohol in the first place. I began to understand how these internal parts—what we call Firefighters in parts work—were the ones leading me to wine as a way to cope with emotional stress.
Who Are the Firefighters?
In parts work, Firefighters are the parts of us that jump into action when we’re in emotional distress. Their goal? To put out emotional fires as quickly as possible. For many of us, that might look like reaching for a drink, binge-watching TV, or turning to food. Firefighters are not inherently “bad”—they’re protective. But the relief they provide is temporary, and often, their methods can create habits that don’t truly address our emotional needs.
For me, my Firefighter often whispered, “A glass of wine will make this better,” when I was feeling overwhelmed or stressed. And while that glass of wine would temporarily soften the edges of my emotions, it rarely ended with just one. And more than one would be felt the next day and all the negative consequences that come along with it, and the cycle would continue.
How Firefighters in Parts Work Relate to Unwanted Habits
The thing is, our Firefighters are just trying to help. When life gets overwhelming, or we’re feeling mentally or physically exhausted, they step in to provide immediate comfort. For years, my Firefighter reached for wine to help me disengage from my stress and the noise of the world. But as I began to awaken to the deeper truth within myself, I realized something: I no longer wanted to be led by this part of me.
When I was first introduced to the concept of Firefighters in parts work, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. But then, during a particularly stressful week at work, when I felt the urge to reach for a glass, I stopped and asked myself: what am I really feeling? The answer surprised me. It wasn’t just stress, it was an underlying fear of abandonment. (I’ll share more about where that fear originated from in another post.) That was the first time I realized my Firefighter wasn’t just about dulling the edges of anxiety, but protecting me from deeper emotional pain.
My Firefighter was just trying to protect me from feelings of sadness, overwhelm or fear. By turning toward it with curiosity instead of judgment, I can begin to meet my emotional needs in healthier ways.
Letting Go of Unwanted Habits: The Journey with Compassion
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For anyone else walking a similar path, here’s what I’ve learned about working with Firefighters and letting go of unwanted habits:
- Acknowledge the Firefighter’s Role: Your Firefighters are trying to help you. When you recognize their protective intent, it becomes easier to approach them with compassion instead of frustration.
- Get Curious About the Trigger: The next time you feel the urge to reach for an old habit, pause. Ask yourself what you’re feeling in that moment. Are you stressed, tired, or anxious? By identifying the emotion behind the habit, you can begin to understand what your Firefighter is trying to protect you from.
- Offer Healthier Alternatives: Once you’ve identified the emotional trigger, offer your Firefighter a healthier way to cope. Instead of reaching for that glass of wine, taking a walk, calling a friend, joining a community such as the Reframe App, or simply taking a few deep breaths. The key is to show your Firefighter that there are other ways to find relief.
- Practice Patience: Change doesn’t happen overnight, and neither does breaking a habit. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this journey. Each step toward awareness and compassion is a step toward lasting change.
If you’d like help working with a Firefighter, schedule a free consultation here.
The Bigger Picture
Breaking free from unwanted habits, like drinking, isn’t just a matter of willpower. It’s about understanding the deeper forces within us—the ones that pull the strings behind those habits. This is less about abstinence and more about awakening—an experiment in being present, in hearing the quiet wisdom within yourself rather than the familiar chatter of old patterns.
Releasing unwanted habits is a practice in self-awareness and compassion. It’s not about getting rid your Firefighters, but understanding them so we can begin to let go of the habits that no longer serve us and embrace the fullness of who we truly are.
