If you’re like me, you’ve probably felt the frustration of conversations turning tense or, worse, ending with hurt feelings. Recently, I came across a concept that has the potential to reshape how we communicate with others and ourselves: Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Created by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, NVC offers a way to approach communication with empathy, understanding, and without the need to be “right.”
I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve spent too much time needing to prove my point, which, unfortunately, has sometimes strained my relationships. This need for validation was a pattern that left people around me feeling unheard and even hurt. But learning about NVC has opened my eyes to a new approach. Here’s a look at how NVC works and why it might just be the key to more fulfilling, compassionate relationships.
What is Nonviolent Communication?
Nonviolent Communication is a method that shifts our conversations from blame and judgment to compassion and connection. The technique is based on four core principles that I’m starting to explore and incorporate into my own life. Here’s how NVC works:
1. Observe Without Judgment
The first step in NVC is to observe without evaluating or assuming. Instead of jumping to conclusions, NVC encourages neutral observations, like “I noticed you looked at your phone while I was talking” rather than “You never listen to me.” This small change opens the conversation by keeping it free of assumptions and accusations, helping others feel safe and heard.
2. Identify and Share Feelings
Most of us are quick to analyze but slower to identify our emotions. In NVC, we’re encouraged to check in with ourselves and openly share our feelings. For example, instead of saying, “You’re making me angry,” we might say, “I feel hurt.” This subtle shift brings vulnerability to the conversation, allowing for a deeper connection without placing blame.
3. Recognize the Needs Behind Feelings
One of the most powerful aspects of NVC is learning that our emotions are tied to unmet needs. By focusing on what we genuinely need—whether it’s understanding, support, or respect—we get to the heart of the issue. Instead of reacting from frustration, we might say, “I feel frustrated because I need support.” This approach changes the entire dynamic, inviting others to understand and empathize rather than react defensively.
4. Make Clear and Specific Requests
The final principle of NVC involves making actionable, specific requests. Instead of expecting others to “just know” what we need, we communicate it directly. Instead of saying, “I wish you’d care more,” we could ask, “Could we set aside time to talk without distractions?” Clear requests allow others to respond in a way that feels supportive, encouraging mutual respect and a positive exchange.
Why NVC Matters for Healthier Relationships
Though I’m new to practicing NVC, I’m already seeing the benefits it could have. Nonviolent Communication doesn’t just improve external relationships; it also transforms our inner dialogue. Learning to observe without judgment, recognize my feelings, understand my needs, and make clear requests creates a kinder, more compassionate way of relating both to others and myself.
NVC has shown me the potential to replace misunderstandings with empathy and connection, creating space for real, genuine interactions. It’s a process that may feel challenging at first, but it’s worth it for the depth it can bring to our connections.
Benefits of Nonviolent Communication in Everyday Life
- Reduces Conflict: NVC helps in de-escalating situations by focusing on shared needs rather than accusations, which reduces misunderstandings.
- Builds Trust: By making clear requests and acknowledging others’ feelings, we foster respect and trust in our relationships.
- Improves Self-Compassion: Practicing NVC doesn’t only change how we interact with others; it changes our self-talk, helping us to be gentler and more accepting with ourselves.
Getting Started with NVC
If you’re new to NVC, here’s a small guide to begin incorporating its principles into your daily interactions:
- Pause Before Responding: Take a moment to observe and reflect on your feelings before reacting.
- Use “I” Statements: Express your feelings and needs with phrases like “I feel…” or “I need…” rather than “You always…”
- Make Requests, Not Demands: Be specific and actionable with your requests, allowing the other person space to respond.
Nonviolent Communication isn’t about avoiding conflict or sugarcoating your feelings. It’s about bringing awareness, empathy, and genuine connection into conversations. If you, like me, struggle with needing to be “right,” I encourage you to try NVC. This approach to communication is a powerful tool that can transform your relationships and bring greater peace into your life—one conversation at a time.
If you’re looking to dive deeper into Nonviolent Communication, check out the Sounds True Nonviolent Communication Course. I’m currently taking it, and it’s been enlightening and practical. This course, taught by leading NVC trainers, offers a step-by-step approach to mastering the fundamentals of NVC. It combines video lessons, practical exercises, and real-life examples to help you apply NVC principles in everyday interactions. Click the button below to learn more and enroll.
If you decide to enroll in the course, I’d be glad to support you along the way! I’m offering free email dialogue to discuss insights and share experiences as we explore these new communication tools together.
info@jackiejreid.com
Additional Resources to Get Started
- Nonviolent Communication and Self Awareness | Maria Engels | TEDxAllendaleColumbiaSchool – watch on YouTube
- Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Academy
- This site offers online courses, free resources, and a global community for NVC practitioners. It’s great for accessing webinars and connecting with others interested in NVC.
- Visit NVC Academy
- Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
Audible Audiobook – Original– Get on Amazon
