In the last post, we looked at how focusing on only what we want (rather than what we don’t want) attracts the positive outcomes we’re seeking in our lives. But what if we’re not crystal clear on what we really want?
What if we know we want a new job but have no idea what we really want to do? Or, what if we know what field we want to go into but believe we’re not good enough or are too afraid to pursue it because it seems too far out of reach?
When we’re not clear and confident about what we want, the universe doesn’t know what to give us, says physician and self-help guru, Deepak Chopra.
To be effortlessly fulfilled, an intention must be clear. Mixed messages bring mixed results.
We send out mixed messages because of hidden beliefs and self-assumptions that muddy the waters (such as, “I don’t deserve to get what I want” or “It’s sinful to want too much” or “God wants me to be pure.”)
Deepak Chopra
Here are the steps experts say we should take to get crystal clear on what we want so we can start manifesting our dreams.
Identify What You Don’t Want
While it may seem counter-intuitive to the Law of Attraction, when we don’t know exactly what we want, we may need to look at what we don’t want. Leading psychological expert, Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., says that by identifying what we don’t want, finding what we really want becomes much clearer. “To perceive anything, there must be a contrast between the two states. To know that something is unwanted, we must know that something else is wanted instead.” she says.
Careers are a great example of this concept. In a world of so many choices and factors influencing our decisions, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”, is a question many of us are asking late in life. When we’re unsure what type of work best suits us, we need to ask ourselves what we don’t enjoy. Even if we don’t have much work experience, we can still draw on our own personal likes and dislikes.
Dr. Vilhauer recommends making two columns on a sheet of paper and listing what we know we don’t want, and then listing what we’d prefer instead.
Example:
| Don’t Want | Want |
| 1. To work in a busy office in the city | 1. I prefer working alone from home |
| 2. To work in a job where money is the main motivator | 2. To feel I’m providing a valuable service to others |
| 3. To work a set schedule every day | 3. I want flexibility and to control my own schedule |
| 4. To sell a product/service | 4. I’d rather educate and teach others about a product/service |
Have an Abundance Mindset
An abundance mindset is the understanding that the universe is plentiful and giving. As it says in the Bible:
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8 King James Version
When we think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity a world of possibilities opens to us. When we believe someone else’s gain means we’ve lost something, or we have feelings of competition and lack, then we’re likely operating from a scarcity mindset.
Neuroscientist and author of The Source, Dr. Tara Swart, explained in a recent article to mindbodygreen.com, “An abundance mindset means taking a risk. An abundance mindset is positive, optimistic—you believe there are enough resources out there for everyone. Scarcity, she adds, is the opposite.”
Dr. Swart explains that it’s natural for a scarcity mindset to prevail. “We’re 2.5 times as likely to want to not lose anything as we are to want to gain something.” she says. So shifting to an abundance mindset takes time and practice.
Cultivating abundant thinking
Here are a few tips Dr. Swart gives to shift to abundant thinking:
- Notice and replace scarcity thoughts
- Awareness of our thoughts is key. Consciously replace fear-based scarcity thoughts with abundant thoughts.
- Journal
- Journaling gets thoughts out of my head and onto my Ipad. It gives me instant relief and often clarity. Any notebook will work or there are plenty of apps to choose from. I use the password-protected DayOne app.
- Be grateful
- Make a list of what you’ve achieved to force your brain to recognize the abundance in your life. “It makes you think, I did that, so what else can I do?” Dr. Swart says.
- Practice Presence
- Just simply being present in the here and now is really the only mindfulness practice anyone ever needs. Unfortunately, it’s just not that easy. Unless you have a spontaneous spiritual awakening, you have to want to change your mindset and practice daily. Over time it does work, though. I’m certainly not enlightened, but practicing presence has made me much happier, improved my relationships, and given me a greater sense of purpose and connection.
- Simplify your life
- “Being busy and distracted and multitasking—they’re the enemy of abundant thinking,” Swart says. Clear out the clutter in your home and workspace and prioritize your day to deal with one task at a time.
Dream Big
Now that we know what we don’t want and we’ve cleared space for abundant thinking, it’s time to ask — if we take all limitations off the table — what do we really want? Watch this quick video from author and speaker Mel Robbins for some inspiration:
Mel is right. Nearly all limiting beliefs are lies. Why shouldn’t we wipe the table clean of our doubts and fears and shoot for the moon? What’s to lose? Regardless of our successes or failures, the earth will keep spinning.
You’ve just got to go for it!
I’m reminded of my sweet friend Memarie Gayle, who passed away from cancer last summer. Memarie was a talented singer and songwriter and had just published her first book, Journey Back to the Soul. The book openly and bravely details her life story of “choosing faith over fear”.
Memarie said she had thought about writing a book for years but always came up with a reason not to. Finally, she realized, “life tends to go forward with or without you.” She adds, “if you want to do something in this life, you’ve just got to go for it. If you are waiting on the perfect timing or the arrival of perfected abilities, you will never get anything done.”
Shortly after she finished writing Journey Back to the Soul, the cancer returned. She passed away a few months after its publication.
Memarie’s funeral was preached from the words of her own book. I sat in reverence as I listened to her story of a woman transformed by her connection with God, who willingly embraced vulnerability, and was devoted to sharing her faith with others.
What an incredible legacy and compliment to your life to have your eulogy preached from your own words and actions. And how remarkable to be brave enough to believe in yourself, own who you really are, and seize your dreams with both hands.
Motivational speaker and entrepreneur Jack Canfield, teaches that the ultimate goal is to become a master at life. It’s who we become in the process of fulfilling our dreams that matters the most.
The outer symbols of success can all be easily lost. Houses burn down, companies go bankrupt, relationships end, cars get old, bodies age and fame wanes, but who you are, what you have learned, and the new skills you have developed never go away. These are the true prizes of success.
Jack Canfield
Memarie’s story can be found here:
